Living the Dream...

We all have dreams. We all work to make our dreams come true. Sometimes those dreams come true, and sometimes they do not. My dreams as a little girl were always about marrying a returned missionary in the temple, becoming a mother, and living happily ever after. Which I'm sure every girl raised in the LDS religion had the exact same dream. How boring! As I grew older, I realized there was so much more to dreaming. I began to fill my dreams with hope, and love, and faith, that I, Kirstin Winters, could do so much more. Do more than wait around for that so-called RM (oh, how naive!), to make babies which would then make me a mother, which was I really ready to take on the responsibilities of a mother? Nope! There was so much more to life than I had been taught. It wasn't until I started to listen to my own heart and soul that I would begin to dream MY dream.

My first volunteer trip was in 2009 when I was 23 years old. My mother had told me about a conversation she and another ward member had at church. The family friend of ours, Geraldine Zarate, had told my mother her daughter, Marta, was going on a service trip to Guatemala and had given my mother Marta's email. My mother expressed how exciting this would be to volunteer in an orphanage. So, I emailed Marta to find out how I could get involved. Marta's response was,"You can come with us!" It was that simple! All I had to do was ask. My heart grew with a different kind of love on that trip. A love I had never felt before. I was surrounded by individuals whose acts of kindness and love radiated from there bodies. Their spirits were alive and breathtaking. I was surrounded by orphans. Children who had been abandoned. Some children who were left in the streets, hospitals, or steps of the police station. Children who had seen their parents killed by gun fire, mother's heads being cut of by machetes, or parents simply just walking out the front door and never returning. For the first time, I felt like I was given too much on this earth. Kind and loving parents, a warm bed, a house, food to feed an army. Why was it these children were left out in the dust? Who will love them now? So many questions flooded my mind and from that moment, I want to help. Just not this one time, but forever.

After a leap of faith to return back to school and earn a social work degree, I was sorely disappointed that I was never to be accepted into the bachelor's program at the University of Utah. Now what? My dream of pursuing a social work degree and working abroad to help show love to orphans was now over with a simple DECLINE, twice! I was only a few credits away from a bachelor's degree in human development so I went for it. After 7 years of not knowing what to do with my life, I wasn't going to stop without some sort of degree. I thoroughly enjoyed my classes and even received recognition from my professors on some projects I had done. After spending one year taking social work credits and another year taking child life credits, I graduated May 2014 with by Bachelor's of Human Development and Family Studies degree, with an emphasis in child life. Finally!

So now what? I was still a phlebotomist and doing nothing new. I had taken 2 more trips to Guatemala in 2011 and 2013 with Guatemala Children's Project. In 2015 I went to Cambodia and Thailand with Destiny Rescue, the organization I researched for my International Community Based Research class. I loved to travel with a purpose and loved volunteering with meaningful organizations. I had randomly heard about the Peace Corp and decided to look into it further. Looked like a pretty good fit for me. I went through the application process and was answered with a health form that needed to be filled out for me to continue with the process. I procrastinated and never finished it. My deadline was here and nothing more had been done. I had failed myself and my dream. Why was it so hard for me to fill out a dang health form and do what I was longing to do? So like always, I got frustrated and went back to the drawing board and made a list, "WHAT I ALWAYS WANTED TO DO BUT NEVER DID". Ideas of going for a master's degree, going back east to nanny, packing up and moving to Denver just because, going to nursing school, and the list went on. I even had the option of becoming the new phlebotomy supervisor. Nothing felt right. Again, I took a leap of faith and quit my job as a phlebotomist. Something I had done for the past 8 years. There was no new job or plan set. I just needed to quit. So I did. And it felt GREAT! I spent time in St. George with my family, went to Colorado to visit Kami and Megan in Denver and McKenzie in Grand Junction. I spent time with my Grandpa Gene and was there alone when he took his last breath. I helped plan his funeral with Grandma Karen. I was there for every minute of it and loved it. It was the greatest spiritual moment I have ever experienced and if quitting my job was the only reason I needed to have this experience, I would do it again. So here I was, 29 years old and already in retirement. What would I do next...

I served with Debbie Clark in Guatemala and remembered that she and her daughter had served abroad with an organization named OSSO. I researched OSSO and was instantly drawn to their special needs orphanage in Cuenca, Ecuador. Ecuador? Never been there before, okay! I figured if I was going to waste away all my money, may as well do something I love doing. I wanted to leave in June but had already made commitments for that summer. By commitments I mean, concerts! Wasn't sure what I would do for the whole summer why I waited to leave for Ecuador, but my dad suggested I move back to St. George where I could stay with them to save some money before I left. Okay, why not! I moved back to St. George the end of May and started teaching swim lessons in Mesquite at a friend of my sisters house. It had been a few years since I had taught swim but sounded like a good idea to make some cash before leaving. Swim lessons went great and soon the summer was gone. I left for Ecuador August 18 and coming home October 30, 2015. But that didn't happen...

Oh, hello dream! The administrative assistant, Suzanne Durrant, came to visit and check on things in October. We had great conversations about non-profit organizations, adoption, foster care, what volunteers want when serving, and just about our life goals and dreams. I shared my story and with that, came my dream, handed right to me. I didn't have to ask for it, beg for it, or even interview for it. Suzanne had went back to the office in Rexburg, Idaho and shared my story with the office and managing directors. They liked me and my story. I was offered a Volunteer Director position that would keep me here in Ecuador for a few months longer. I had called my sister and then my parents looking for advisement. My sister exclaiming, "Kirstin, this is what you wanted. This is your passion. You have to stay." How right she was! My dream was given to me without hesitation and I was too dumb to see it. My dream, working abroad with a non-profit organization caring for orphans. Orphans that I could love on every day and attempt to get each of them to smile every day. Was this for real? Once again, taking a leap of faith that I could stay in Ecuador for as long as I could and be financially stable. I don't know how God does it, but the second I quit my job I have been okay. Money hasn't run out yet and my family has been able to support what they can. How was it that my dream was coming true?

By taking many leaps of faith and believing that God knows what is best for me. By truly listening and following my heart. Trusting my heart will lead me on the path set out for me. I'm sure we all have the same dreams growing up, it's the same dream that is all taught to us, at least those who are LDS. Once I stepped back from people telling me what to do and what was best for me, I was able to hear my own spirit telling me what to do and what was best. How grateful I am to have the courage to step back from something that is so profound in my family and the Utah culture. This is my own experience and mine alone. I am on this earth at this time to do what I am passionate about, love orphans as if they were my own. This is my dream and I am happy to finally meet you!